We didn't sign up to become parents again, but this scenario has become our reality as we care for my 94 year-old mother-in-law. These circumstances place my wife Marilyn and I in the acute and tragic awareness of the fragility of life and uncertainty of when or how this reality will end. Will it be days, months or years? Will it be a silent passing in the night, an extended illness or will it be an unexpected tumble followed by EMTs and sirens?

As we raised our children we watched with anxious excitement as they took their first unsteady steps. We’d catch our breath as we watched them fall, but we were careful to allow them this experiment of walking in a controlled environment. But now, we vocally gasp as we watch a parent stumble. We can rarely control where this happens; we can only hope it isn't on a tile floor, concrete driveway or in the shower, but on padded carpet.

Many years ago, we also had the knowledge and reassurance that if our child toppled over, we could easily rush to their aid, lift them into our arms and "kiss the booboo". With elderly parents it is very possible that we cannot lift them back up. Even if we can, we have to be careful not to cause a secondary injury and only after carefully ascertaining their condition after the fall.

As a parent ages, you become more aware of their physical and mental limitations, often more aware than the parent. We are fortunate that both of my parents and my father-in-law all had keen minds until the end. My Mother-in-Law is also mentally sharp. But with mental sharpness come the memories of what they once did but now can't; memories of the independent life they are losing.

The biggest and most contentious loss is the driving privilege. We watched and worried as our children discovered the joy of independence when they earned their driving privileges. And, like walking, we did everything we could to control their driving environment. When a parent loses this independence, it’s staunchly resisted. .. It is not usually a sudden “you can drive today, but you can't drive tomorrow” experience. It is a gradual deterioration of reflexes, eyesight, hearing, depth perception and judgment. After discovering a frequency of new scrapes, dents and paint transfers on the parent's car, the conversation goes, "I don't remember hitting anything" or "I get a little too close sometimes."

One of our most memorable driving mishaps involved a police officer at our front door. He pleasantly but matter-of-factly stated, "Madam, I am here because you were reported to have hit another car in the Wal-Mart parking lot and left the scene of the accident." In all innocence my Mother-in-law replied, “Well that's not possible because I don't remember any accident." The officer smiled but the signs of paint transfer was undeniable proof. She honestly did not know she had hit another car...

Then there's the money thing. Parents of Boomers come from The Greatest Generation. They lived through The Depression and World War. They learned deep rooted habits of austerity and personal sacrifice. The emotional and intrinsic value they place on money is different than the Boomers. My wife and I were never stay at home parents. We both worked hard outside the home and relied heavily on restaurant meals our entire adult lives. Our parents relied on home prepared meals and eating out was a luxury to be enjoyed on special occasions only. They view money as something to be scrimped and saved; we see money as a tool or resource. With busy lives outside the home, we often make the decision to "outsource" time consuming tasks like yard care, home maintenance and housecleaning. This "extravagance" at times becomes a point of contention; especially when there are agreements to share common expenses (not an unusual arrangement in an extended family home). Often the perception of what these tasks should cost is skewed by time in the parent’s mind.

We continually remind ourselves that being in this "caregiver" position for one or more parents is truly an honor, and we are blessed with being this intimately involved in each other's lives. But, this appreciation can often be forgotten when, in the middle of the night you hear a crash. The immediate assumption is no longer fear of an intruder; it is knowing someone has fallen. We no longer arm ourselves with a baseball bat under the bed to ward off intruders but we do keep a cell phone closeby at all times to call the paramedics. With all the blessings of the extended family lifestyle, the uncertainty is a real stressor.

An observation from my sister-in-law continues to resonate in our lives. The Greatest Generation is truly courageous. Even with her hearing and eyesight failing, as she loses more of her independence and as her back pain from osteoporosis grows, my Mother-in-Law walks into the family room daily marveling at what a great day it is. That is true courage and greatness...